The summer of 2010 was one of the most painful summers in my life. It ranks second only to the summer of 2008 when my mom, unexpectedly, passed away. The summer of 2009 was what set the wheels in motion leading to the miserable summer of 2010. It was the time when I took a giant leap of faith and plunged into a second, second marriage. Nope, I didn’t miss-type the second ‘second’ in the previous sentence. This is the reality of my marriage – second in the true sense of the word.
I married SM in September 2009 after a summer courtship period that started end July. You could call it a whirlwind romance where SM, with his erudition, sense of humor and expressive nature, swept me off my feet. So enamored was I with this Al-Azhar scholar, that I actually relaxed what was supposed to be, for me, a non-negotiable rule of having nothing to do romantically with a married man (Rule no 21 in THE RULES book for you Rules Girls out there). I had learnt- the hard way- from my first marriage that polygamy, though allowed in Islam, doesn’t work in the 21st century.
No, I’m not trying to be rebellious and reject what Allah has allowed, it’s just the reality of things are that men of the 21st century are not capable of handling this previlage ordained for them in the Quraan. My mom’s battle cry was ” Bila nak kawin, ikut nabi, tapi yang lain, ikut babi”. Harsh huh, well Mama (may Allah forgive her and care for her soul) always called a spade a spade and she never saw a man implement polygamy with justice in her lifetime. Her own husband married two other women behind her back and her only daughter (me) sufferred emotionally and financially at the hands of a man who was also a polygamist.
Back to the present. Since my divorce from DS (not to be associated with Nintendo), I had vowed to never, ever be a second wife to anyone ever again. I even made a checklist of 17 criteria for my future husband where criterion numero uno (Number one) stated in no uncertain terms that the man must be unencumbered – no living wife. Yet, when SM proposed marriage to me after declaring that he was already married, instead of just replying NO, I found myself saying “I will consider if your wife tells me in person that she accepts this and is fine with it”. To my chagrin, Mrs SM, actually invited me to her house during which she confirmed that she was ok with my marrying her husband.
And so that is how I ended up, yet again, as wife No. 2.
Did my friends support me on this? Not all of them. The secular ones thought I was nuts, the non-secular ones asked me to do Istikharah and go from there. So, I did and as if there was some invisible divine force at work, we were married in a quiet ceremony consisting of 2 witnesses on a sunny, Sunday morning in September 2009 (Ramadhan).
