I don’t blog much lately because I have mastered the art of being satisfied (redha’ – which coincidentally is also the name of Mrs SM). I have accepted that my union with him is not for this dunya (world) but al-akhirah. I was naive enough back then to think that SM loved me because I was special. His words, as I re-read them, were clearly no more than ‘baits’ – the kind you attach at the end of a fishing pole, so you can reel in a catch. I doubt SM meant any of the words – they were just a means to an end. For him the end was ‘xxx’. Something that he clearly loves and craves and mistakes for love.
There is a saying in Malay – “sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua”…(The smartest squirrel can leap so high but he will finally land squarely on the ground). This is exactly what has happenned.
SM thought he was infallible. Yes, he was wise, smart and resourceful. But he didn’t think that he would come up against a woman who dared to to stand up to him. When he cast his bait to catch fish number 3, he didn’t realize he was had reeled in a school of sharks (and I don’t mean this in a bad way). Just that SM bit off more than he could chew.
MB is a wonderful woman. She has beauty, wealth, intelligence – everything a man could ever want. SM no doubt saw this and could not resist pursuing this woman even though he was already married and had a secret relationship on the side. After all, he was THE S. Everyone loved him, no one could resist him. He had the charm, the poetry, the sweet words all in his love arsenal. He preyed on independent, divorced women who looked up to him for his knowledge of the religion. In MB’s words “He is a man of God” and women trusted him explicitly.” Using the same modus operandi as he had used with me, he swept MB off her feet and took her on as no. 3.
SM never told me about his indiscretion but it seemed he overstepped the religious bound on this affair. He kissed her before they were united through religious vows. He visited her unchaperoned at her house before they were legally bound. He committed the biggest crime any religious scholar could do which is to “Do the things that he preached to others NOT to do” and justified it on the basis of Allah will forgive.
It is none of my business but Allah showed me that SM bedded this woman behind my back and behind UM’s back. He let his groin do the thinking and left his brains at home. He betrayed not one woman but two and as it turned out, he betrayed number 3 as well. I don’t actually know what made him do it but he hastily d-ed her exactly 11 days after the union – no explanation to her, no apologies, nothing. Just a brutal severance that hurt MB to the core.
Well, a woman’s scorn knows no bounds but no one ever said anything about the wrath of the daughters of the woman scorned. SM is facing the worst moments of his life – risking shame, loss of honor and a hard fall from grace due to his indiscretion with MB. Her daughters have waged a battle to avenge what, in their view, is the wrongful treatment of their beloved mother. In their minds, he must be stopped and they have made it their battle-cry to stop him.
Just as Hosni Mubarak was toppled by the generation of youth who had enough of his abuses, it does seem that the youth have struck yet again. This time to stop a Religious Leader from abusing the Quraan in return for xxxual favors.
So, where have I been in all of this. By the sidelines, watching as events unfold, assuring SM that I will support him and love him no matter what. Unfortunately, SM is too blind and too callous to sacrifice himself for true love. The fact of the matter is, he has told too many lies, that even he can no longer distinguish the truth from the lies. He is in self preservation mode now and no one else matters but himself.
The worst for me is yet to come – but in my heart of hearts I know that SM never really did love anyone but himself. He loved the chase, he loved going in for the kill and he loves having a fan club of adoring women. It is a hard lesson to learn but I have learnt that everything is in the ‘hand’ of Allah and we do the best we can with the final outcome determined by Him. When Allah chooses to humiliate someone and expose their sins, He will do so and nothing can stop it from happening. Allah protects who He wills. In this case, I fear for SM that Allah is giving him a hard lesson on HONESTY. A lesson that could cost him dearly.
For me, the worst is yet to come….but I will surrender myself to the Will of Allah. Allah knows my intention to have a husband who will teach me Quraan and Arabic and love me unconditionally and be a father to my kids. May Allah preserve SM for me but then again Allah has always given me what is BEST, and if SM is no longer the best for me, than I will wait patiently for Allah to send me The One, according to His Timetable.
In the meantime, make doa’ and be thankful for all the blessings Allah has given you – your health, iman, children who need you to teach them Quraan, rizq, and that I shared a bed with a man who memorizes the Quraan. Allah increases the ni’mah to those who are grateful to Him and I want to be among those people, bi ithnillah.
